S1E1 - Depression - My Journey

Join me on my journey through depression, the ups and downs, reflections and lessons learned. This episode may be triggering as it does dive deep into the emotions of depression. 

Transcript

Welcome to Viva Her podcast. This is Ariana, your host, and we are in season one, episode one, our first episode. Our podcast and super excited to have you here. Uh, season one, just to give you a little bit of background, is going to be focused on mental health. And episode one, this specific episode is going to be focused on depression. So we're starting with a little bit of a heavier topic, but I think a very important topic to discuss and dive into. Just to set the stage. In the US, 8.4% of adults have experienced a major depressive episode, and then the prevalence among women is almost 11% versus 6% in men. And this is according to the National Institute of Mental Health. That means that women are almost twice as likely to experience depression than men are. So just to provide some background sense and some statistics to really depression and the impact that it has on women. So I will start by talking a little bit about my journey. I was diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder too, uh, in 2021. So it's been a few years now, and I went into a pretty major depressive episode back in 2021. I had not dealt with depression in the past, had not been something that I had experienced with, and all of a sudden my world just went black and I was hospitalized for seven days. I went through two outpatient programs. Um, so when you think about, um, hospitalization and getting help, there are two sort of avenues that you can have through a hospital. One inpatient where you will actually stay in the hospital. And the second was outpatient, which is usually some kind of program where you will go into the hospital but then return home that same day. So I ended up being seven days inpatient. And then when through two different outpatient programs to really help me through my depression. And I have not talked a lot about this, even with family and friends, it is something that I keep to myself. So this is definitely a space where I'm being vulnerable right now. And honestly, it was probably a scary topic to bring on and talk about just because this was going to be a public forum that would just put this out there for anybody to listen to. Um, funny enough, the what caused me the, the, the most anxiety about putting myself out there is not really with strangers that don't know me, but it's with family and friends that do know me and that that somehow makes it a bit more difficult. My story really started with just waking up. And having a really difficult time 1s showing up to work and getting my girls to school. So I have two girls, an eight year old and a 13 year old. And it became just this daunting task to get up and show up to work and get the girls to school. And it eventually led to a place of me not showing up to work, not caring about work, and then up to not caring about the girls showing up for school. And that's when it got scary, 1s um, because it started affecting my girls and, you know, their needs. And I think that's when I realized that I needed help. And, um. 2s I ended up reaching out to my sister, one of my sisters. I have two younger sisters and one of my sisters is a therapist and I reached out to her. 1s And ended up really opening up about what was going on. I was also at that time seeing a therapist because I had gone through a divorce, um, probably maybe six months before this all went down. And there were signs, I think, at that point that I needed more help. And so I ended up going through some evaluations at the hospital and ended up starting an outpatient program. I ended up, um, being on short term disability at work, and I went through this eight week program that really felt like it was helping and then got discharged from the program, went back to work, and two months later fell back into a depressive state. But it was much worse than the first time. Um. 2s The second time that I went through it. 2s And this is. I'm just gonna say this before I talk more about this, that this may be triggering, as it will be a little bit more in depth to what was going on. Um, so if you want to stop listening at this point, um, please do. Um, but the second time, that which was two months after I had gotten discharged from the initial program, I went to a very dark place of just 1s not wanting to be. 2s Here. 2s And. 8s I had decided 1s that I was going to. 4s And my wife. 1s And. 4s Things didn't work out 1s like I had planned. Thankfully. 2s And then I was hospitalized for seven days, and, um. 3s It is just so crazy to think back, you know, at 1s that moment. But after those seven days, I went through a another set of outpatient program. 1s Was through that eight weeks and was discharged after that. And really that made, I think, a big difference. I think one of the biggest differentiators to in my journey was really having the support of family and friends. You know, if you're listening and you are. 1s Part of my support. Because if you are, he'll know you are. Thank you. It really made a huge difference in my life. 2s I had to take a bit of a pause there and come back, but I wanted to bring my story and really share it. One, because I think we need to hear more stories of. 2s What? Going through some, uh, mental health illnesses is like, 1s we need to normalize it more. It is still something that is not. 1s While, the more acceptable, it's still not what it shouldn't be. It's easy to. Talk about being unable to do things and unable to work, and unable to be present because you broke your foot or you broke an arm. Yet it is very difficult to approach that same situation under the terms of mental health. And so I think the more we talk about it, the more we will normalize it. I also think. 2s For people that have experienced it 1s to know that there is help. 1s And for people that haven't. To have an idea of what it's like to go through it. 1s I will say that during. 2s That probably year that everything sort of went down and things were up and down. 1s One of the things that most helped me was having people present in my life not to necessarily fix anything for me, because it was something. 2s That I don't think anybody can fix for you. But to be there, to listen, to be there, not to feel alone, to be there, to know that you weren't a burden. 2s And it just really makes me emotional to go back to my story and reflect on my feelings during that period. I will say, though, that one of the things I wanted to touch base on was on something that wasn't super helpful in my journey, and I had family of mine doing this during my recovery period, but it was without bad intention. I know my family was trying to help, or certain people in my family were trying to help, but really it was something that did not help me and I wanted to touch base on it today, just in case. That was something that came up with anybody else. Or if it comes up while you're trying to help somebody. But comparing somebody's situation to somebody else's is just not helpful during a depressive episode. During that time, I think it's very common to feel weak and to feel like you have this weakness about you, and that's why you can't move on from where you're at and hearing that there's other people that have gone through worse things and have 1s progressed through it doesn't necessarily make you feel like you are going to progress through where you're at, but it makes you feel weak. At least that's what it did to me. And I just wanted to shine a light on it because I wanted to make it known in case this is affecting anybody else. And like I said, my family was trying to help me, or at least the people that were doing this were trying to help me, but it really was something that was not helpful. I will say also, one of the key things that helped me was asking life saving questions. And this I owe to my sister 1s who asked those tough questions and when asked the tough questions, I didn't lie. I couldn't lie about it. And so sometimes asking some of those tough questions is necessary to find out really where somebody's at and to be there to support. 1s Another thing is. 1s Helping someone find the help. I think when you're in that state, you feel so unmotivated that you don't really care what's next, or to make that call to the hospital or to the therapist, but to have someone in your life that will say, I can find someone for you to talk to, I can find you a therapist. I can take you to the hospital. Would you like me to drive you? You are not alone. Those things make a world of a difference in the life of someone that feels very unmotivated and really worthless, to be just honest to what some of those moments can feel like. 1s Not everyone's experience is going to be the same, but I think just having some knowledge and background to what it can be like. The other thing that I think is important is to check on people around you. 1 in 10 women is going to experience depression. If you know ten people around you, you probably at least have minimum one person in there that is dealing with depression and many times not talking about it and not coming forward. So check on your people. I will say also to check on those people that seem like they have things together, like they're always happy. Sometimes it's those people that need that listening ear because they won't they won't be the ones to ask for help. And I thought I had it together for a really long time. 1s If you talk to my friends and family, I am a very positive, optimistic person. And and I've always been like that. And I think for a long time I was really repressing my feelings that I saw as a negative. So sadness, 1s um, anger and just wanted to put this happy front. And I've always put this happy front in front of everyone. And I think eventually if you do that enough, there's a point where your body will not be able to take it anymore. And yeah, I think one of the biggest takeaways I really do think is to check on your people and check on yourself. Check on how are you feeling? Know that there is help and that it's okay to ask for help. There are so many resources now after going through all this, I use so many resources that I have out there that I just was not aware of before. And we're gonna talk more about those resources and what they can look like in other episodes within this season. But know that you are not alone and that there is help. And that that feeling is temporary. I think one of the things that I remind myself when I go through a depressive episode, because they do come and go now, but now that I'm on medication, they're more, uh, I can they're I'm more aware of them, and I feel like I can deal with them in a more. 2s Educated way, I guess. But I remind myself that it's temporary, that it won't last forever. And I think reminding myself that that moment will be temporary. Makes me feel hopeful about the place that I'm at. If you are in a place where you feel like you might have depression, or just in a mental place that you know you need help. There is the National Alliance on Mental Illness, or Nami, 1s which is a mental health organization dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness. There's a website with resources groups that you can join. There's also the 988 Suicidal and Crisis Lifeline. It's a toll free, 24 hour hotline available to anyone. And then there's also your local hospital that you can go to as well. If you think it's scary to reach out to any of those as an initial step. Use your friends and family as a first step to. They can make a world of a difference if you reach out. 1s Thank you for joining me today. Thank you for being here and listening. I hope that today you were able to have some takeaways from the discussion and the topic, whether it was relating to it, whether it was validating to something that you have felt or feeling, whether it brought some insight into somebody in your life that has been dealing or is dealing with depression. I hope that it provided some insight. I also hope that you will join us for the next upcoming episodes, which will revolve around mental health, for at least season one, and then season two will follow with relationships and various aspects of that. I will see you in the next episode. Peace out.